1

I am fat. 

I've been fat. 

No degree of lifestyle change is helping. 

I had a pack of chips today. 

200 calories in 16 minutes.

Fat. 

2

My boobs are so big that they make yo mama seem like anorexic

I can NEVER wear shirts.

I exaggerate. 

3

My laptop just crashed. I don't know what went wrong.

It died. 

Just like all the things in my life.

It came back. 

Sorted for a while. 

4

I have this intense desire of shooting people.

Point blank.

Rage against the people (I go to grad school with).

Except, our new actress (Aztec print shirt, how can I?).

5

I work with idiots.

I hate working, with idiots.

I deal with idiots. 

On daily basis. 

I deserve to be loved. 

6

This woman I went to school with, just had a baby.

'Just' being, four hours back. 

I haven't done shit with my life. 

Having a baby took my ability to phrase shit. 

Hence, phrases. 

Bye.