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Sunday, March 17, 2024

January me and March me are completely different people. 

In between the difference, there is February me, who booked me on a flight with a baggage limit smaller than my personal baggage (been in therapy four-ish years). What the fuck was I thinking? 

In all of this, I forgot the Sept-Oct me, who was so fucking determined to not look at any man that while spring cleaning today, I realised how down bad I've been.

One thing about me— I will let you treat me like shit when I'm down bad. 

I saw an old text exchange between my ex and I, where we nearly went a day without speaking to each other and I was the one being really nice about the whole thing, trying to talk to him and empathise with him and his busy day subsequently. What the fuck was wrong with me? 

I won't lie when I say, I'm a wee bit scared of the eclipse-retrograde szn that's incoming. Firstly, I don't have the strength to deal with, "You were dating someone?" when I discuss shit and second, I can't afford fuck ups in ANY angle whatsoever. I would list the fuck ups but I don't want my nightmares coming to life anywhere near me, other than my dreams. 

I also just saw my January vision board and wow what the fuck, this shit is so tame. How did I grow a new ambitious streak in the last 90 days to the point I'm looking at my vision board and questioning who did this? (I did, lovingly, with a hint of hope in my eyes)



Anyway, here are my affirmations that should go in my diary but I feel like typing them out to make sure the universe is reading on 40 mbps or something:

I WILL ACCEPT THE LOVE I THINK I DESERVE

I WILL HAVE TOUGH CONVERSATIONS IN RELATIONSHIPS

I WILL BE SOFT WITH PEOPLE I LIKE AND NOT BE A BITCH TO THEM

I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANYONE BUT ESPECIALLY A LOVE INTEREST TREAT ME LIKE SHIT (friend's wife is unacceptable)

I WILL NOT BEG TO BE LOVED NOR BEG TO BE TREATED RIGHT

I WILL MOVE IN SILENCE 

I AM DESIRABLE AND THAT VALIDATION CANNOT COME FROM A CRUSTY MAN WHO WON'T MEET ON A WEEKEND 

I WILL NOT PUT THE WEIGHT OF MY HAPPINESS IN THE ARMS OF THE MAN WHO DOES NOT KNOW ME

MY HAPPINESS DOES NOT DEPEND ON A MAN WHO DOES NOT CARE ABOUT ME

I WILL BE NICE TO THE MAN AND TO THOSE WHO HAVE SHOWN ME KINDNESS AND LOVE THROUGH MY LOWEST THIS MONTH

I WILL NOT WASTE TIME ON POTENTIAL NOR WILL I WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO MAKE UP THEIR MIND ABOUT ME

I WILL THRIVE. I WILL BE HAPPY. I WILL BE THE ARCHITECT OF MY OWN FUCKING HAPPINESS. 

I WILL MAKE SURE I LIVE MY BEST. I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE ME HAPPY SO AS LONG AS I AM NOT HURTING SOMEONE ELSE IN THE PROCESS.



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